Finding a new 'normal' during the pandemic

 I feel like I'm in the odd stage of finding some new normality in this pandemic, whilst also feeling more uncertain than ever.🤔

A big question that's been weighing on my shoulders recently has been 'how much poorlier am I going to get until we can resume normal healthcare?'

I was due to have my surgery and be on the way to finding some stability with my health at the end of last month, but I was also having much needed additional nutrition via the PICC line that has since been taken out. After agreeing to surgery in January, I had a date for the end of March as the sooner they could do it, the better. Now with the prospect of it taking over a year for normality to fully resume, I feel terrified that perhaps I can't wait a year. Looking back, I know that so much can happen in a month with my health, let alone 12months. I feel like whenever I ask 'what else could go wrong?' my health seems to take that as a challenge! 🤔

Worrying never used to be something I felt I had much time for, and I'd always joke that I would keep busy and make plans for competing and riding Daisy whilst letting mum get on with the worrying about hospital! (Sounds a good deal for me🙈) Riding helped to balance my life and frequent visits to healthcare, it's the polar opposite that enabled me to be so much more than a patient.
With riding still not being on the cards any time soon and much to my mums horror, I've decided to momentarily swap riding a horse for riding a bike to give me something to do a couple of times a week. So far it's been going well, if not slightly comical at times given my floppy legs- but it's helping me to do something and get some fresh air in the garden...and do something other than medical treatments and worrying which is a bonus!

Normally, Daisy gives me so much purpose and identity but also another activity in the mix of everyday life, going from hospital to a blood test, then back home to start treatment- without her it's just been non stop healthcare. So for the meantime, I'm slowly finding my feet with how to cope from home and not dilute myself into nothing more than a medical condition, which has been the case for the past week or so. Life needs some sort of balance (even if it's a short term fix) to make it fully enjoyable, and manageable! don't think I'll be signing up for the Tour de France anytime soon, but having something to do is giving me a level of balance that I need and for now that's good enough for me whilst we wait for normality and better health plans to resume.🙌🏼

Oh and in the meantime, I'm enjoying plenty of Spud cuddles!

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