I'm 18 and I don't wear pants. ‍️

 I'm 18 and I don't wear pants. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You've seen me dancing, smiling and keeping up with the animals via FaceTime (which has all been lovely.)
But for the rest of the time, I've been like this.

Running out of nappies.
Sporting the hospital XL nappy pads that could wrap about the Eiffel Tower, twice.
Cleaning myself up only to need a fresh nappy sometimes minutes later.
Stuck between aggressive sickness or filling nappies that are 5 sizes too big.
Spraying Febreze, disinfecting everything I touch and scrubbing myself clean over and over again.
Needing fresh bedding sheets a few times a day due to leaking around said nappies
(Did I mention how huge they are?😳)

It's been emotionally exhausting and physically straining. Mum isn't here to hold my hand or indeed help at times, and there's no actual end in sight since my surgery has been postponed. Whilst there's still happy moments inside the hospitals four walls, and SO much to look forward to and enjoy when I am healthy enough, I need to admit that it does feel tough at times. 🥺

My current mantra (to go alongside my motto #FindAWayNotAnExcuse) is 'this is only temporary' and remembering that even though I won't see or be able to ride Daisy anytime soon- she is there ready and waiting, and I can't lose sight of that when working towards it. 🐴
Keeping my goals close to my heart, even though they're far away, is one of the hardest yet most important things I can do right now.
(Well, that and making a crown out of the XL pads I've been graciously pottering about in to make light of things in the meantime.)😅 👑

I promised myself I'd always share the reality of my health journey on here, however embarrassing or taboo, because chances are someone else is going through the same thing. (However I do appreciate it isn't something often spoken about, and I apologise for making anyone uncomfortable.)Keeping to my motto reminds me that this isn't forever, I'm just going through a rough patch that will improve- and it's perfectly okay to admit that things aren't ideal right now.❤️

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